Thursday, April 01, 2010

email to the Justice Department: Yes, I am an Angry, Violent Man! Just Send Me My Check!

To The U.S. Department of Justice:

I was recently reviewing one of my word processor disks that contained documents I prepared in the 1990s. In the 1990s I had the practice of jotting down, for my own amusement, parodies of conversations from the TV sitcom Seinfeld. One of the parodies refers to xxxxx xxxxxxx. The reference is a private one, not made for publication and was written in the 1990s -- in 1996 or later.

GARY FREEDMAN

202 362 7064
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GERTRUDE TICHO: They keep calling me and calling me. Ernst, it just doesn't stop. That madman--they are worried he might shoot the . . .

ERNST TICHO: The Fuhrer? -- the madman that says he might shoot the Fuhrer?

GERTRUDE TICHO: No, no. Ernst, I keep telling you, we aren't in Vienna anymore. That was the war--years ago; we left Vienna in '48. Don't you remember?

ERNST TICHO: Ach, mein lieber! Ja, ja. Never mind.

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JUDGE FREEH: Howard, the sexual passages are quite tastefully done. And he even managed to avoid using the word mango.


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[name of state court judge redacted]: This Akin Gump situation is a mess.

JUDGE HAMILTON: Ellen, say what you will about the goyim, but I'll tell you this, at least they know how to run a law firm. An organization that's managed by a guy who puts barbecue sauce on his knishes? You just know, they got problems.

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JAMIE GORELICK: I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT ALLOPLASTY MEANS!!!

[A paraphrase of the line "I still don't know what the idea is!"]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alloplastic_adaptation

[The late Harvard psychiatrist John E. Mack, M.D. placed the following George Bernard Shaw quote on the frontispiece of his Pulitzer Prize-winning biography of Lawrence of Arabia: A Prince of Our Disorder.  "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man. "  I am an unreasonable man.]



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CONTESTANT: I'll take the category RICO for $800, Alex.

ALEX TRIBEK: For $800, in the category RICO--and I'll need this in the form of a question--George Washington University Board of Trustees slapped with Big punitive damage award.

CONTESTANT: Oh man, that's a tough one. . . Ah, could that be? Oh, yea: Was there nothing that the University's Board of Trustees could have done to mitigate the pain and suffering of a paranoid schizophrenic patient, since the time of his first letter to the Trustees in August 1993?
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CHARLES REISCHEL: He was up here. I met him.

CHARLES RUFF: Well, what did he look like? What did he say? Did he look like a nut case?

CHARLES REISCHEL: He just . . . He . . .

CHARLES RUFF: Did he use the word "man?" Did he use the word "splittin?" Did he say, you know, like -- "I'm splittin?"

CHARLES REISCHEL: No. But at one point he did ask to use the bathroom.

CHARLES RUFF: Don't you know, they live in the bathroom!!


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DENNIS RACE: It must be impossible for a civil rights lawyer to file for bankruptcy. Title VII, chapter 7. Excuse me, I'd like to file chapter 7. Don't you mean Title VII?

LAURENCE HOFFMAN: It must be impossible for a bankruptcy lawyer to fire somebody. Chapter 7, Title VII. Excuse me, I'd like to fire this man, but I don't wanna get in trouble under Title VII. Don't you mean chapter 7? [to Dennis Race:] Hey, what's the matter?

DENNIS RACE: Nothin.

LAURENCE HOFFMAN: You sure? You look a little pale.

DENNIS RACE: I'm fine. Good. Very good.

LAURENCE HOFFMAN: What, are you nervous?

DENNIS RACE: No. I'm not nervous. I'm good. I'm very good. [becomes agitated:] I can't do this. I can't do this!

LAURENCE HOFFMAN: What?

DENNIS RACE: I can't do it. I tried. I'm here. It's impossible.

LAURENCE HOFFMAN: Firing him was your idea.

DENNIS RACE: What idea? I just said something. I didn't know you were gonna listen to me.

LAURENCE HOFFMAN: Don't worry about it. They're just FBI.

DENNIS RACE: They're federal agents, Larry. They wear suits. They carry guns.

LAURENCE HOFFMAN: I told you not to fire him.



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FBI AGENT: Did you ever see Bill Clinton having sex?

ARKANSAS STATE TROOPER: No, but I hear his buttocks are sublime.


______________________________

I provided copies of my word processor discs to the U.S. Capital Police on August 7, 1998. S.A. Steven Horan.

http://dailstrug.blogspot.com/2009/11/us-capitol-police-letter-no-1.html

Does Justice not have operational telephones with which to call other law enforcement agencies? Saving money on the telephone bills, are we?

2 comments:

My Daily Struggles said...

Every hour spent investigating me is an hour not spent investigating the real bad guys.

I tell you, I am never flying on an airplane again!

They were reading my blog every day since November?

My Daily Struggles said...

More Seinfeld parodies:








http://dailstrug.blogspot.com/2010/04/justice-department-yes-i-am-angry.html