Saturday, May 08, 2010

More Seinfeld Parodies from the Late 1990s and 2000

MESSAGE FOR DR. DREW --

GEORGE: We just got word that Lieberman's got this whole thing rigged. What I heard is, no matter who Lieberman is up against, he's got the whole state of Connecticut behind him.

DICK: That bastard!

GEORGE: A major-leaguer, all right! I say we pull out of this thing right now.

DICK: But if we pull out, the Democrats will take the election. We'll have sacrificed everything we worked for since July. What would the Republicans do if we pull out? It'll ruin the whole show.

GEORGE: Look, I say we take a stand. If we pull out, yes, we'll be flushing the Republicans down the toilet. But it's the principle, man. The Principle. Listen, you have a son, don't you?

DICK: Yes?

GEORGE: Don't you want your son to be able to say: "My daddy could have been vice-president of the United States, could have-- . . ." well, there's no telling what might have been, really. "But in the end, he stood up for his principles."

DICK: To tell you the truth, I still don't know what principles you're talking about. But I'm a team player, I'm on your side. I say we pull out of this race. Let the Democrats take Connecticut and every other damn state, if that's the way they want to play the game.

[Drew Pinsky, M.D. was a consultant for the CBS-TV reality show Big Brother 1 in the year 2000.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drew_Pinsky

Since its inception in the year 2000 Big Brother has been hosted by Julie Chen, who works for CBS News and is married to CBS President, Les Moonves.  Vernon Jordan has ties to CBS News.  "George" and "Dick" refer to Dick Cheney and George W. Bush as well as two contestants on Big Brother.]
__________________________

BOB STRAUSS: George W. Bush. An example of Republican brains combined with Texas know-how.
__________________________

GARY FREEDMAN: Your former partner ruined me, she ruined my career.

THE "K" MAN: Listen buddy, if it weren't for her, you wouldn't have a career. You'd be back doing that paralegal crap.

[The "K" Man is David Kendall, a partner at Williams & Connolly and lawyer for Bill Clinton.  One of David Kendall's partners at Williams & Connolly became a judge.  I think I've said more than enough!  The parody evidences my recognition that losing a lawsuit can have long-term benefits.  The character Kramer on the TV sitcom Seinfeld used to be referred to as "The K Man."] 
___________________________

PRESIDENT BUSH: What did you think of those election returns down in Florida?

GEORGE W.: Weird. Wild.

PRESIDENT BUSH: What's that?

LAURA BUSH: He's doing Johnny Carson, daddy.

PRESIDENT BUSH: I never did think much of his humor.

KATHERINE HARRIS: Don't you think George looks like your son, Jeb?

PRESIDENT BUSH [turns to Harris, humorlessly]: Wear some more lipstick.

[Katherine Harris was the Florida Secretary of State in the year 2000 who certified George W. Bush the winner of the presidential race in that state.]

The actual Seinfeld script reads:

[Setting: The Ross' house]

(Susan, her parents, and George are all dining)

MRS. ROSS: (To Mr. Ross) Doesn't George look like your sister, Sarah?

MR. ROSS: (Gruff) A slight resemblance.

(George laughs slightly)

MRS. ROSS: (To George) Her son's a podiatrist, you know.

GEORGE: Ohh, I have tremendous respect for people who work with feet. I mean, to dedicate yourself to the foot -- you're toiling in virtual anonymity. I mean..

(Seeing the Ross' expression, he trails off)

MR. ROSS: How are you enjoying those cigars I gave you?

GEORGE: Oh, uh, the cigars.. (Chuckles nervously) I'm, uh, suckin' 'em down. I'm puffing my brains out, yeah.

MR. ROSS: You know those cigars are made special for Castro?

GEORGE: (Impersonating Carson) I didn't not know that. Weird. Wild. (Susan and George both laugh)

MR. ROSS: What?

SUSAN: (Explaining) He's doing Johnny Carson, daddy.

MR. ROSS: I didn't care much for his jokes.

SUSAN: (To George) Daddy never laughs.

GEORGE: Oh, well, so what? Laughter - what is that? I mean, what is the point of opening your mouth and going "Ha, ha!"? What is that? "Ha, ha!"?

MR. ROSS: You know, you can't get those cigars anywhere.

MRS. ROSS: You and your cigars..

MR. ROSS: (Shooting back at his wife) Wear some more lipstick.
____________________________

No comments: