I cannot be prosecuted for my crime. On January 15, 2010 the U.S. Marshal Service admitted that I pose a risk of harm to persons in my environment, and therefore I am unemployable by reason of business necessity; I pose a negligence risk to a prospective employer. I am not permitted to visit my local synagogue or the U.S. District Court without prior approval of the U.S. Marshal.
Also, I admitted to the U.S. Marshal in a taped interview that I am defrauding the federal government; the U.S. Marshal expressly waived an investigation of my crime.
I guess you could say I am committing the perfect felony, the perfect crime. Thanks, Lanny! Apparently, it is the intent of the Justice Department to protect the law firm of Akin, Gump, Strauss, Hauer & Feld at all costs -- literally and metaphorically. And that, as we say in the trade, is good for business.