Saturday, July 24, 2010

The Mango -- And the Fake Symptoms



Scene: Albert Taub, M.D., Jerry Wiener, M.D., and Gary Freedman seated at a booth in the George Washington University Medical Center Cafeteria

ALBERT TAUB: Anyway, I think everything else is okay. Unless of course he's faking.

(Gary Freedman joins them)

GARY FREEDMAN: Who's faking?

ALBERT TAUB: Nothing.

GARY FREEDMAN: Faking what?

ALBERT TAUB: Nobody's faking.

GARY FREEDMAN: Ah! Paranoid schizophrenia?

ALBERT TAUB: He's not faking!

GARY FREEDMAN: How do you know?

ALBERT TAUB: I know. I can tell. It's one of my powers. Why, did you ever fake?

GARY FREEDMAN: Of course.

JERRY: Really?

ALBERT TAUB: You faked?

GARY FREEDMAN: On occasion.

JERRY: And the shrink never knows?

GARY FREEDMAN: No.

JERRY: How can he not know that?

GARY FREEDMAN: Because I was gooood.

JERRY: I guess after that many Medicare reimbursements he's probably a little groggy anyway.

(Jerry and Albert laugh)

GARY FREEDMAN: You didn't know.

JERRY: What?

GARY FREEDMAN: You didn't know.

JERRY: Are you saying...

(Albert calls a waitress)

ALBERT TAUB: I think I'll have a piece of cake.

JERRY: With me?

GARY FREEDMAN: Well...

JERRY: You faked with me?

GARY FREEDMAN: Yeah.

JERRY: You faked with me?

GARY FREEDMAN: Yeah.

JERRY: No.

GARY FREEDMAN: Yeah.

JERRY: You faked it?

GARY FREEDMAN: I faked it.

JERRY: That whole thing, the whole production, it was all an act?

GARY FREEDMAN: Not bad huh?

JERRY: What about the delusions, the ideas of reference, the loose associations, the flights of ideas?

GARY FREEDMAN: Fake, fake, fake, fake.

JERRY: I'm stunned, I'm shocked! How many times did you do this?

GARY FREEDMAN: Uuuhm, all the time.

JERRY: All the time?!

ALBERT TAUB: We got a chocolate malt in here!

JERRY: But I'm so good.

ALBERT TAUB: I'm sure you are.

GARY FREEDMAN: Jerry, listen, it wasn't you. I just didn't have psychiatric symptoms back then.

JERRY: He faked.

(Albert smiles sarcastically)

JERRY: Maybe they've all been faking.

GARY FREEDMAN: I'm sure they're not.

ALBERT TAUB: Maybe Hinckley is faking.

3 comments:

Gary Freedman said...

And the Justice Department thinks I'm violent? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Gary Freedman said...

But really I have severe mental illness.

How do we know that?

An officer of the Justice Department imposed restrictions on my liberties, that's how we know!

It's called psychosis by estoppel.

Gary Freedman said...

How did the Justice Department determine I'm violent?

-- I don't eat out.

--I don't go to my local synagogue.

--I don't own a dog or a cat.

--I used the word screaming in a quote of a federal official who also used the word screaming in a fit of outrage

--I revised a wikipedia article

--I praised a federal official

--I'm not seeking a spiritual connection (I don't even know what a spiritual connection is!)

--I sent a Covington & Burling partner a copy of a book about opera

--I attended a Wagner opera in 2009

That's why I'm dangerous according to the Justice Department!