Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Talented Guy

When the law firm of Akin, Gump, Strauss, Hauer & Feld terminated my employment on October 29, 1991, the lawyer who fired me told me he thought I was a "talented guy."  The comedy dialogue below plays upon that idea.  I wrote the following piece in about 1995.  

Oddly enough, in the series finale of the TV sitcom Seinfeld, which was broadcast three years later on May 14, 1998, the characters are convicted of a crime and sentenced to prison.   In the final scene of the series, Jerry is wearing an orange jumpsuit, and performing a stand-up routine of prison-related jokes to an audience of fellow prisoners (including Kramer and George; Elaine is not seen as she is in a women's prison). No one is laughing, except for the studio audience and Kramer. As he is then yanked off the stage he says to his audience "Hey, you've been great. See you in the cafeteria."

Hell in a very small place, I suppose.

Prisoner:  Race, what are you in for?


Race (in a low,  mumbling voice):  Unlawful termination.

Prisoner (startled):  What?

Voice of Prisoner in another cell:  Hey, Dennis, You make great license plates.  You're a talented guy!

(Disruptive conversation in background, verging on potential violence):  Lassman, I've told you a hundred times, the prison fax machine is not for the use of prisoners.

Race:  Listen, guys, hold it down, I've got a film crew coming in later.  They're filming a commercial for Federal Express.

Prisoners:  Hey, are you telling us to shut up?

(Conversation in background):  Lassman, I called Strauss.  He said he doesn't know who you are.  Besides, he says he was out of the country when it happened.