Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Akin Gump: The Job Termination About Nothing

Variation I: Doing It For the Show -- The Missing Person Report About Nothing

I suppose that by now everybody has heard of Balloon Boy. The Colorado balloon incident (also known as the Heene Hoax, Balloon Boy Hoax, or Balloon Boy Incident) occurred on October 15, 2009, when a six-year-old was mistakenly believed to have floated away in a home-made balloon, attracting world-wide attention. Falcon Heene, of Fort Collins, Colorado, was believed to be traveling at altitudes reaching 7,000 feet (2,100 m) in a homemade helium balloon colored and shaped to resemble a silver flying saucer-type of UFO. Falcon, referred to as the "Balloon Boy" by some media outlets, had reportedly climbed into the balloon, after which it became untethered and launched.  In fact, the Balloon Boy had never left his home; the reported missing person incident was a stunt.

In an interview with Wolf Blitzer on Larry King Live that evening, in response to a question about why he was hiding, Falcon said to his father, "You guys said that, um, we did this for the show." This added to speculation that the incident was a hoax and publicity stunt engineered by the boy's father, Richard Heene. On October 18, Larimer County sheriff Jim Alderden announced his conclusion that the incident was a hoax, and that the parents would likely face several felony charges.

Variation II: Doing it for the Show -- The TV Show About Nothing


Variation III:  The Job Termination About Nothing -- Alleging that an Employee is Paranoid & Potentially Violent "Just for the Show"

LAURENCE HOFFMAN: Federal anti-discrimination lawsuits are the No. 1 source of billable hours for American law firms today. And you know why that is? Because lawyers like to say "Title VII."

DENNIS RACE: It must be impossible for a civil rights lawyer to file for bankruptcy. Title VII, chapter 7. Excuse me, I'd like to file chapter 7. Don't you mean Title VII?

LAURENCE HOFFMAN: It must be impossible for a bankruptcy lawyer to fire somebody. Chapter 7, Title VII. Excuse me, I'd like to fire this man, but I don't wanna get in trouble under Title VII. Don't you mean chapter 7? [to Dennis Race:] Hey, what's the matter?


LAURENCE HOFFMAN: You sure? You look a little pale.

DENNIS RACE: I'm fine. Good. Very good.

LAURENCE HOFFMAN: What, are you nervous?

DENNIS RACE: No. I'm not nervous. I'm good. I'm very good. [becomes agitated:] I can't do this. I can't do this!


DENNIS RACE: I can't do it. I tried. I'm here. It's impossible.

LAURENCE HOFFMAN: Firing him was your idea.

DENNIS RACE: What idea? I just said something. I didn't know you were gonna listen to me.

LAURENCE HOFFMAN: Don't worry about it. They're just FBI.

DENNIS RACE: They're federal agents, Larry. They wear suits. They carry guns.

LAURENCE HOFFMAN: I told you not to fire him.

DENNIS RACE: Say, who is it we're supposed to see?

LAURENCE HOFFMAN: Carter. I think his name is Jimmy Carter.

DENNIS RACE: There's actually an FBI agent named Jimmy Carter? Wouldn't that be like a President of the United States named Hoover?

LAURENCE HOFFMAN: There was a President of the United States named Hoover, you idiot.

DENNIS RACE: Hey, who are you calling idiot?

LAURENCE HOFFMAN: Keep your voice down.

DENNIS RACE: No, I will not keep my voice down. You can't make me keep my voice down!

JIMMY CARTER [enters]: We do not allow any loud arguing, disruptive disputes, or irritating harangues here in the J. Edgar Hoover Building. And if you boys cannot keep it down, I'm going to have to ask both of you to leave.

1 comment:

Gary Freedman said...

Hoffman and Race give new meaning to the phrase "a show trial."