The Non Fat Yogurt
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KRAMER: So, there were a lot of people there, huh?
JERRY: Oh, man, that yogurt place - you're going to make a fortune.
JERRY: They're doing an incredible business.
KRAMER: Yeah, well, I told you to go in on it.
JERRY: How did you know?
KRAMER: Well, I tasted it at the one downtown. It's got a remarkable texture. You'd never know it was non-fat.
JERRY: (answering the buzzer) Yeah?
ELAINE: (on the buzzer) Buzz me.
JERRY: Hey, I had the show of my life last night. I ad-libbed like ten new minutes.
KRAMER: Yeah, but did you tape it?
JERRY: (pulling out a tape from his pocket) Vvvvup. Right there. I got it. I did this thing on the Ottoman Empire. Like, what was this? A whole empire based on putting your feet up?
JERRY: I'm telling you, I got like a whole new Tonight Show here.
(Elaine has her thumb in her mouth pushing her teeth)
JERRY: What's the matter?
ELAINE: Oh, I was having lunch, and I bit down on the fork.
JERRY: Boy, it's hard to believe - with all that biting experience - a person could still make a mistake like that.
(Kramer looks at Elaine)
KRAMER: (sort of falling backwords) Yowm!
KRAMER: Well, you're getting heavy.
ELAINE: (quietly) What?
KRAMER: Yeah, you look like you put on (holds his hands out) five, (holds his hands wider) ten pounds.
KRAMER: I'll tell you something else, you're looking a little chunky yourself, buddy.
ELAINE: Where's your bathroom scale? (Jerry looks at her like 'where do you think?' Elaine and Jerry both go into the bathroom) Oh my god, I've gained seven pounds.
JERRY: I've gained eight.
KRAMER: I told ya.
ELAINE: Oh, my god! A couple, but 7 pounds. How did I gain 7 pounds?
JERRY: How did I gain eight?
ELAINE: I don't get it. I, I've been doing the same exercises. I haven't been eating anything different.
JERRY: Me, either. Wait a second. Wait a second. Maybe it's that yogurt.
KRAMER: No, no, no. That's hundred percent non-fat.
JERRY: Well, how else could this have happened?
KRAMER: Well, maybe it's the Oreos.
ELAINE: I don't eat Oreos.
KRAMER: You don't eat Oreos? (acts out eating Oreos) The way you break them open? You're (does a bunch of licking motions) ~ practically having sex with them.
JERRY: What about me?
KRAMER: You? You're getting old.
JERRY: Maybe your yogurt isn't so non-fat.
KRAMER: Oh, guess again, Tubby!
ELAINE: Jerry, there's got to be a way to find that out.
JERRY: There must be some kind of lab that would do that kind of thing.
ELAINE: AH! I've got it.
ELAINE: I'll call the Food and Drug Administration.
(Grabs Jerry, feels him noticing the eight pounds)
KRAMER: Hey, I'll tell you what, Chubs, if that yogurt has fat in it, I will put myself on an all-yogurt diet for a week.
JERRY: Well, let's start the insanity.