Friday, March 19, 2010

Blacks and Whites Should Be Kept Separate!

I'm a segregationist. I believe God wanted blacks and whites to be separate. It's a sin to mix blacks and whites. Whites have their own specific character. Blacks have their own specific character. I find that mixing blacks and whites is confusing. When I was a boy it was particularly confusing.

Did you ever hear about why zebras developed stripes? Biologists believe that zebras developed stripes because stripes have survival value for the species. You see, when a predator, like a lion, sees a herd of black- and white-striped zebras, it gets confused. The lion is unable to focus on any one particular zebra and hunt it down for the kill. So it's a biological fact: mixing blacks and whites is confusing: some would say disturbing, even. It's unnatural to mix blacks and whites.

That's why I have one drawer for my black socks and another drawer for my white socks. One drawer says "Whites Only." The other drawer says "Blacks Only."

I have a constitutionally-protected right to segregate my socks under a general right to privacy. Griswold v. Connecticut, 381 U.S. 479 (1965). See also, Shelley v. Kraemer, 334 U.S. 1, (1948) (federal constitutional protections do not apply to private action no matter how discriminatory).

Some might argue the fact that I live on Social Security Disability renders my sock segregation state action. This question remains unresolved, but the Supreme Court has held private citizens to be liable as state actors when they conspire with government officials to deprive socks of their rights. Conversely, in National Collegiate Athletic Association v. Smith, the Supreme Court has found that the National Collegiate Athletic Association is not a state actor, despite its heavy reliance on state-supported educational institutions. Thus, athletic socks may lawfully be segregated.

3 comments:

Gary Freedman said...

Tomorrow, Saturday, March 20, 2010, it's supposed to go up to 74 degrees.

It's like July!! (Well, almost.)

Gary Freedman said...

This is Eliott Mincberg humor.

Anonymous said...

I had to think about this for a minute after reading it, but yes, then I laughed! - Julie Hershey from TBD