Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Akin Gump Surveillance -- Handwritten Notes Left in Apartment -- 1991

The following are two pages of handwritten notes I left in a prominent place in my apartment based on my paranoid belief that the manager of my apartment building, Elaine Wranik, entered my apartment surreptitiously every morning and reported to Akin Gump managers what she saw.

Even I have to admit that these notes are loony.  They impute a knowledge of psychoanalytic theory to my coworkers that was probably far beyond what, if anything, they had in mind.  I wrote the notes several days before a staff meeting held at Akin Gump on September 11, 1991.

Five minutes with opposing counsel, and their whole strategy becomes clear.

--The reason he reads double meanings into computer terminology is that a computer is a machine

--A machine represents, psychoanalytically, the male organ

--His oversensitivity relates to his masculinity concerns

Test this out by using a lot of sexual allusions** while talking about computer functions--watch to see if he gets nervous* or upset.


*Watch for any moisture accumulation in clothing adjacent to the fossa axillaris

**Don't use language suggesting homosexuality.  Use words & phrases specifically related to male sexuality.

--wrap around

--the work comes out in spurts



--have your employee clear his throat during this

--repeat the word "conversion" but alternate with the word "switch" (altering the connotation from the religious to the sexual)

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