To The U.S. Department of Justice:
I was recently reviewing one of my word processor disks that contained documents I prepared in the 1990s. In the 1990s I had the practice of jotting down, for my own amusement, parodies of conversations from the TV sitcom Seinfeld. One of the parodies refers to xxxxx xxxxxxx. The reference is a private one, not made for publication and was written in the 1990s -- in 1996 or later.
GARY FREEDMAN
202 362 7064
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GERTRUDE TICHO: They keep calling me and calling me. Ernst, it just doesn't stop. That madman--they are worried he might shoot the . . .
ERNST TICHO: The Fuhrer? -- the madman that says he might shoot the Fuhrer?
GERTRUDE TICHO: No, no. Ernst, I keep telling you, we aren't in Vienna anymore. That was the war--years ago; we left Vienna in '48. Don't you remember?
ERNST TICHO: Ach, mein lieber! Ja, ja. Never mind.
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JUDGE FREEH: Howard, the sexual passages are quite tastefully done. And he even managed to avoid using the word mango.
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[name of state court judge redacted]: This Akin Gump situation is a mess.
JUDGE HAMILTON: Ellen, say what you will about the goyim, but I'll tell you this, at least they know how to run a law firm. An organization that's managed by a guy who puts barbecue sauce on his knishes? You just know, they got problems.
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JAMIE GORELICK: I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT ALLOPLASTY MEANS!!!
[A paraphrase of the line "I still don't know what the idea is!"]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alloplastic_adaptation
[The late Harvard psychiatrist John E. Mack, M.D. placed the following George Bernard Shaw quote on the frontispiece of his Pulitzer Prize-winning biography of Lawrence of Arabia: A Prince of Our Disorder. "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man. " I am an unreasonable man.]
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CONTESTANT: I'll take the category RICO for $800, Alex.
ALEX TRIBEK: For $800, in the category RICO--and I'll need this in the form of a question--George Washington University Board of Trustees slapped with Big punitive damage award.
CONTESTANT: Oh man, that's a tough one. . . Ah, could that be? Oh, yea: Was there nothing that the University's Board of Trustees could have done to mitigate the pain and suffering of a paranoid schizophrenic patient, since the time of his first letter to the Trustees in August 1993?
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CHARLES REISCHEL: He was up here. I met him.
CHARLES RUFF: Well, what did he look like? What did he say? Did he look like a nut case?
CHARLES REISCHEL: He just . . . He . . .
CHARLES RUFF: Did he use the word "man?" Did he use the word "splittin?" Did he say, you know, like -- "I'm splittin?"
CHARLES REISCHEL: No. But at one point he did ask to use the bathroom.
CHARLES RUFF: Don't you know, they live in the bathroom!!
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DENNIS RACE: It must be impossible for a civil rights lawyer to file for bankruptcy. Title VII, chapter 7. Excuse me, I'd like to file chapter 7. Don't you mean Title VII?
LAURENCE HOFFMAN: It must be impossible for a bankruptcy lawyer to fire somebody. Chapter 7, Title VII. Excuse me, I'd like to fire this man, but I don't wanna get in trouble under Title VII. Don't you mean chapter 7? [to Dennis Race:] Hey, what's the matter?
DENNIS RACE: Nothin.
LAURENCE HOFFMAN: You sure? You look a little pale.
DENNIS RACE: I'm fine. Good. Very good.
LAURENCE HOFFMAN: What, are you nervous?
DENNIS RACE: No. I'm not nervous. I'm good. I'm very good. [becomes agitated:] I can't do this. I can't do this!
LAURENCE HOFFMAN: What?
DENNIS RACE: I can't do it. I tried. I'm here. It's impossible.
LAURENCE HOFFMAN: Firing him was your idea.
DENNIS RACE: What idea? I just said something. I didn't know you were gonna listen to me.
LAURENCE HOFFMAN: Don't worry about it. They're just FBI.
DENNIS RACE: They're federal agents, Larry. They wear suits. They carry guns.
LAURENCE HOFFMAN: I told you not to fire him.
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FBI AGENT: Did you ever see Bill Clinton having sex?
ARKANSAS STATE TROOPER: No, but I hear his buttocks are sublime.
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I provided copies of my word processor discs to the U.S. Capital Police on August 7, 1998. S.A. Steven Horan.
http://dailstrug.blogspot.com/2009/11/us-capitol-police-letter-no-1.html
Does Justice not have operational telephones with which to call other law enforcement agencies? Saving money on the telephone bills, are we?
Every hour spent investigating me is an hour not spent investigating the real bad guys.
ReplyDeleteI tell you, I am never flying on an airplane again!
They were reading my blog every day since November?
More Seinfeld parodies:
ReplyDeletehttp://dailstrug.blogspot.com/2010/04/justice-department-yes-i-am-angry.html