Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Roommate from Hell

I had a college dorm roommate with a narcissistic personality disorder, I think. He had two girlfriends--an on-campus girlfriend and an at-home girlfriend. Neither knew about each other, of course. I went looking through his things (I know you're not supposed to, but I'm an asshole myself) one day and I found his little black book. Page after page of girls names and telephone numbers. He was incapable of a deep, mature emotional relationship with women, so it's no surprise that we could never establish any rapport. He had one male friend that I knew about. He was a jock. When the two of them got together all they ever talked about was the girls they did.

He demanded to have the room to himself all evening about four nights a week or more so he could have sex with his on-campus girlfriend. I got the room to myself every two weeks when he went home on weekends to have sex with his at-home girlfriend.

He once put a used condom in my bed. Nice touch.

He used to object to my smoking cigarettes, and would open the window when I lit up. But he smoked a pipe.

He stole a glass sugar dispenser from the dining hall. One day I accidentally broke the sugar dispenser. He told me I had to get him more sugar. Not being a psychopath, I went to a grocery store to buy him a box of sugar cubes. I gave them to him and he was angry. "I wanted you to replace the sugar dispenser you broke with another one just like it from the dining hall." He wanted me to steal for him. Then a few days later he was apologetic and said he had gotten used to the sugar cubes and even found them to be superior to the glass sugar dispenser.

When the weather got cold (this was at Penn State in the mountains of central Pennsylvania) he bought a bottle of cherry vodka. He took a shot every morning to keep him warm on his way to class. That was his breakfast.

One time he asked me if I wanted to play chess. I said "sure." He had bought a little plastic chess set. I'm a miserable chess player, but he was worse. When it became clear to him that he wasn't going to win the game, he said: "I'm not playing this game anymore." No sense of fair play.

One Friday afternoon he told me he wanted the dorm room for the entire night because he wanted to sleep with his girlfriend. I had to find a friend who had a spare bed to let me sleep in all night.

One time I was alone in the dorm room, and decided to take a shower. I went to the bathroom to take a shower. And by the time I had gotten back to the room, the door was locked. My roommate was back and having sex with his girlfriend. I had to wait outside in the hall with a towel wrapped around my naked ass till he finished.

Anybody know what happened to Robert Brennan from Doylestown, Pennsylvania--an accountancy major who graduated from Penn State in May 1974?

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