Seinfeld Parody -- The Year 2000

I would love to take a vacation to the Galapagos Islands, but the U.S. Marshal Service banned me!!

 Seinfeld episode 67: "The Glasses."  Broadcast September 30, 1993:

JERRY: Uncle Leo, what are you doing here?

UNCLE LEO: Jeffrey went out tonight.

JERRY: Ooh! Very convenient.

UNCLE LEO: I'm supposed to tape this nature show for him, he loves nature. Botany, zoology. You know his botany teacher from college stays in close touch with him? They became friends!

JERRY: Oh really?

UNCLE LEO: That's pretty rare! I mean, actual friends! Like equals! They have dinner together, they have discussions...

JERRY: Uncle Leo! Did he leave any tickets here for me?

UNCLE LEO: Oh yeah yeah, I'll get 'em.

JERRY: Thank you.

AMY: What tickets?

JERRY: To the Paul Simon concert in the park!

AMY: We're going to the Paul Simon concert?

JERRY: That's right, lady!

AMY: Oh what a great surprise!

JERRY: I thought you'd like that.

AMY: Oooh, so that's why you've been acting so mysteriously.

JERRY: Now you know. That, and that alone, is the reason.

UNCLE LEO: You know Jeffrey's favorite animal: the leopard.

AMY: Why is that?

UNCLE LEO: He likes the spots.

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[Reading a subtext in coincidence, phonetic similarities, or verbal imagery can be a symptom of severe mental illness that might be associated with a risk of violence.  See, e.g., Freedman v. D.C. Dept. Human Rights, D.C.C.A. no. 96-CV-961 (Sept. 1, 1998).]

Parody:

UNCLE LEO: Jerry!

JERRY: Uncle Leo!

UNCLE LEO: I was meaning to tell you, your cousin Jeffrey just got back. You know where he was?

JERRY: (to George, sarcastically:) Jeffrey loves animals. He loves nature.

UNCLE LEO: Africa. He was in Africa.

ELAINE: O-o-o-h. Africa? What was he doing in Africa?

KRAMER: Africa is a burgeoning continent.

JERRY: Don't tell me. A safari?

UNCLE LEO: That's right, Jerry. Your cousin Jeffrey and his wife went on a safari--to Africa! Shot an elephant right between the eyes. (Leo points to his forehead.)

ELAINE: That's horrible!

GEORGE: I think it's called culling the herd.

KRAMER: I didn't know people still did that.

ELAINE: That's awful. Killing a poor defenseless animal!

JERRY: Not to mention, he cut short a possible future brilliant career as a circus performer!

UNCLE LEO: Don't laugh, Jerry. My Jeffrey is brilliant! (to Elaine:) Loves animals. Watches these nature shows on television. Loves nature. And his wife. She's a genius.

JERRY: (sarcastically:) Genius.

UNCLE LEO: Graduated third in her class at Boston University.

JERRY: Right. So what was the degree of difficulty there? It's not like she graduated third in her class at Yale.

UNCLE LEO: But she was accepted to Yale. She wanted to be an architect.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXMDRbOBMno&feature=PlayList&p=F9B0D3565C820D7D&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=18

GEORGE: You know, I always wanted to pretend to be an architect.

ELAINE:: Oh, that's exciting. Architecture!

JERRY: Yea. She wanted to design zoos. She's one of those people who thinks she could make an original contribution to zoo design. Jeffrey thought -- with his interest in nature and his wife's interest in zoo planning they'd be unstoppable in the zoo world.

KRAMER: Like the Sheindlins. Those Sheindlins, they cornered the TV court field, you know.

JERRY: (to Kramer:) Did they have any competition?

ELAINE: Who?

KRAMER: Jerry Sheindlin -- People's Court? And his wife, Judge Judy.

ELAINE: Judge J-u-u d-e-e! J-u-u d-e-e!

GEORGE: So, Jeffrey and his wife were going to be a zoo team. Sounds like an antitrust violation.

JERRY: More like a combination in restraint of elephant manure.

UNCLE LEO: So, Jerry, you know where Jeffrey is going on vacation next year? (pause:) T-h-e G-a-l-a-p-a-g-o-s I-s-l-a-n-d-s.

JERRY: The Galapagos Islands? Who goes to the Galapagos Islands?

ELAINE: People go to the Galapagos Islands!

GEORGE: No. You mean turtles go to the Galapagos Islands.

KRAMER: No. See, that's where you're both wrong. Turtles live on the Galapagos Islands. They vacation elsewhere. The Galapagos Islands. You know, that's where people evolved.

JERRY: No. You idiot. People didn't evolve on the Galapagos Islands. That's where Darwin discovered the theory of evolution.

KRAMER: What's the difference?

JERRY: Yea. Kramer thinks Adam and Eve hatched out of an egg. Listen. I'm heading down to Federal Court.

GEORGE: Are you being sued?

JERRY: No. I got a jury summons. (passionately:) I GOTTA GET OUT OF JURY DUTY!!

KRAMER: You know my friend Bob Saccamanno?

JERRY: Yea?

KRAMER: He was summoned for jury duty. He got out of it.

JERRY: Yea? What did he do?

KRAMER: He got his doctor to write him a note. Yea. That's what he did. The doctor wrote a note. Said he was psychotic.

JERRY: Psychotic. Did it work?

KRAMER: He got out of jury duty, but they had him committed.

JERRY: Sounds like that fraud was a little too authentic.