What Are We Going To Do About Stanley Schmulewitz?

There's this old guy who lives in my apartment building. He's lived in the building for about 35 years. He's in his late seventies.

This is what gets me about the guy. He works out every day in the building's fitness center. In his street clothes. He uses the reclining stationary bicycle. I know this isn't the Christian thing to say, but neither I nor Stanley Schmulewitz is Christian. The guy is a total pain in the ass. He listens to the radio while he works out. He laughs, talks to himself, sings to himself, makes weird jerky movements -- the guy is a veritable freak show on ice. He's very distracting to me as I work out. The stationary bicycle is next to the elliptical machine that I use. I can see Schmulewitz in the wall mirror directly in front of us.

Why can't Stanley work out at a different time of the day. You're a pain in the ass, Stanley Schmulewitz.

This is my Stanley Schmulewitz impression: "Mu-ah, mu-ah. Hahahahaha. Yea. Yea. Oh, yea. Hahahahahaha. Hehehehehe. Mu-ah, mu-ah. That's right. Yea. Yea. Hahahahaha. Oh, yea." This goes on for an hour every morning. I can't stand it anymore.